Are Indian Marriages Still Sacred? What You Need to Know!

Ever since our childhood days, we have been listening to just one thing from our seniors, “When we grow up, we will pursue our studies, get a job, marry, and of course have children.” This was the sequel with which we were brought up, and for us children, this was the be-all and end-all of life. But we cannot blame our seniors for this. They used to say what has been deep-rooted in the society. As we know, ours is a traditional and very much conservative society, and it is really difficult to depart from it. Marriage as an institution is very old and deep-rooted in the society.

Now let us analyse what types of marriages have been in prevalence in the Indian society through the ages:

1. Swayamvar – In ancient and mediaeval India, the practice of Swayamvar could be seen, which gave a choice to the bride to choose a groom from amongst a group of candidates gathered in a place. Sita in the Ramayana and Draupadi in the Mahabharata were married in such ‘swayamvar sabhas’.
2. Arranged – It is the most common form of marriage still in vogue in the society. There is the consent of both the parties in it. The bride and the groom may or may not see each other before marriage. But nowadays they are given the chance of meeting. It is equivalent to ‘Brahma Vivah’ of the Vedic period.
3. Love – This marriage is based on concepts like ‘Love at first sight’ and ‘Made for each other’. There may or may not be consent on the part of parents of both sides, but the boy and the girl make it a point to be in wedlock. It is the equivalent of ‘Gandharva Vivah’ of the Vedic period.
4. Elopement – It is also a kind of love marriage. But the slight difference is that the boy and the girl elope mostly to escape the wrath or opposition from family and social circles. Elopement may also be made with a married man or vice versa.
5. Pre-Vedic – In pre-Vedic times, monogamy (one man marrying one woman), polygyny (one man marrying several women), polyandry (one woman marrying several men), inter-Varna marriage, levirate marriage (a brother marrying the widow of his elder brother), and widow remarriage were in vogue. a) Brother marrying the widow of elder brother – This is called levirate marriage and can be seen in regions like Punjab in India. In the Ramayana, Bibhishana married Mandodari, the widow of his deceased brother Ravan. The practice can be seen in rural areas and certain cultures. b) One man marrying several women – The system is called polygyny and has been present in the society in India and outside. King Dasharath and King Pandu had multiple wives. Kings and emperors in mediaeval times had also multiple wives. It is illegal in India and many other countries. But in the Muslim community, the practice is permissible. c) One woman marrying several men – The practice is called polyandry. In the grand epic Mahabharata, Draupadi is married to the five Pandava brothers. Wherever the practice is followed, it is mostly seen that one wife is shared by several brothers. The practice is still found in parts of India, Tibet, and China amongst certain communities, though it is not legal in developed countries including the USA.
6. Vedic – During the Vedic period, eight forms of marriage were in practice, categorised as approved and not approved. Brahma, Daiva, Arsha, and Prajapatya were approved, whereas Asura, Gandharva, Rakshasa, and Paishacha were not approved.
7. Post-Vedic – The same eight forms of marriage, with their being approved and not approved, continued in the post-Vedic period. Arranged marriages were becoming common after the Vedic period.
8. Mediaeval – In the mediaeval Indian society, the same eight forms of marriage were in vogue. Prithviraj Chauhan, the Chauhan king of Delhi and Ajmer, had abducted Sanjukta from her Swayamvar, which makes it clear that this form of marriage was also in vogue.

Besides the types of marriages, there have also been traditions within the system which have evolved in the course of time:

1. Marrying relatives – Marrying relatives other than own brother and sister has often been permitted in the society. It includes maternal uncle’s and maternal aunt’s son or daughter. Of course, marrying in the same ‘Gotra’ has often been prohibited in the Indian society.
2. Court marriage – In court, marriages are also registered. The couple often takes recourse to law when there is opposition to their union from different circles.

In recent times, people have tried to come out with substitutes for marriage. They are as follows:

1. Contract marriage – Though contract marriages are not legal in India, such marriage contracts can be seen nowadays. This is a time-bound agreement between man and woman. The Indian Dharma Shastras and the Hindu Marriage Act and other related Acts advocate a permanent marriage.
2. Live-in relation – A live-in relation takes place between two individuals which involves a domestic arrangement and cohabitation without the obligations of marriage. It may last as long as the two want.
3. Open relation – An open relation is as good as a live-in relation except for the condition that both the partners can have intimate relationships with others on mutual consent and communications. This relationship also lacks the obligations and security of marriage.

At present, even in arranged marriages, certain traditions have developed in recent times:

1. Interview – The item is being given priority in any arranged marriage nowadays. Mostly the boys go in for an interview with the girl. The purpose is to know each other before the wedlock. It is not only the boys, girls have also started insisting on it.
2. Mobile chat – After formalities like talks between the two families and interview are over, mobile chats, at times for very long periods, have become common between the boy and the girl.
3. Dating – After the formalities are over, the boy and the girl are left on dates for a day or even more. ‘Ek dushre ko jano, samjho’ (Know and understand each other) is normally the logic behind it.
4. Ring ceremony – Earlier engagement ceremony was held a few days or even months before the marriage. But in recent times, the ring ceremony has been added to it when the bride and groom exchange rings on a decorated pandal. Earlier the gathering was small, which has increased considerably.
5. Pre-wedding – Other pre-wedding events include rehearsal dinner by the bride and the groom, parties with friends, parties with family members, photo and video shoots by the bride and groom having been left to themselves or going on a visit to a lonely place for photo and video shoots.

There are certain other pre-wedding traditions and rituals, once confined to certain communities and areas, which have almost become common in the whole of the country:

1. Mehendi – Mehendi or henna has turned out to be a major pre-wedding ceremony these days. There is a joyous gathering wishing for the health, wealth, and prosperity of the bride and the groom, and henna is applied to her hands and feet on the occasion.
2. Haldi – Haldi is also a pre-wedding ritual in which haldi or turmeric paste is applied to the bride and groom. The ritual symbolizes purity, good luck, and a fresh start for both. There is a family gathering to bless the couple.
3. Sangeet – Sangeet is another pre-wedding ceremony featuring music, dance, and celebrations. Both the families unite and take part in the music and dance performances featuring mostly traditional tunes and formats.

Now let us analyse the success and failure rate of arranged and love marriages:

1. Success – Marriages have been mostly successful in India. Though arranged marriages are common, in recent times love marriages have been getting the preference. Open communications and effective solution of conflicts have led to the success rate of marriage in India.
2. Failure – The failure rate of marriage in India is very low compared to other countries. A traditional society, the joint family, security, and absence of a substitute have made it more a success than a failure. The divorce rate in India is as low as 1 percent, which is much lower than that of countries like the USA.
3. Divorce – Divorce has been permissible in the Indian society. Dharma Shastras like Manu Smriti, Narada Smriti, and Kautilya’s Arthashastra permit divorce and remarriage under specific conditions, at the same time leaving room for reconciliation. The Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 allows the same, following in the footsteps of the Dharma Shastras.

Despite the types of marriages in the Indian society since time immemorial and the experiments made with it from time to time, marriage as an institution has survived till this day. Let us analyse its plus points:

1. An institution withstanding the test of time – Marriage, the social institution, has stood the test of time, overcoming all hurdles that have come its way, so much so that it is almost irreplaceable in the society.
2. A strong social institution – Marriage is a strong social institution, quite deep-rooted in the society. The family, which is the result of marriage, works as a unit of the society. Most marriages are often socially solemnized in the midst of friends and relatives with traditional rituals befitting their communities.
3. A strong family bond – Human and family relations are quite important in the society, and marriage cements up such relations.
4. Recognition – Marriage is not only socially recognised, but it also gives recognition and status to the wife and her kids in the society.
5. Continues the family – Marriage as a social institution continues the family tree, without which mankind would not have been what it is today around the world.
6. Safety and security – Marriage provides safety and security to the family, both joint and nuclear. The wife and her children are safe and secured in the hands of a working husband and under a patriarch with other working members in single and joint families respectively.

Compared to the western society where the institution of marriage is vulnerable, in India it is very strong with religious and social sanction. Though experiments have been made with traditions cropping up within the system, people have obviously failed to come out with a substitute for it, and marriage as a social institution is supposed to continue for a long, long time. It is doubtful whether there could ever be a suitable substitute for the institution of marriage.

(The views expressed are the writer’s own)

Mr. Prafulla Kumar Majhi,

Retired Asst. Director, A. I. R, is an eminent Scholar and freelance writer in English & Odia. His areas of interests are sociocultural, economic, literary, historical and analytical studies and writings.

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